Throughout this mess I have been trying to keep my hubby safe.
I tried with mental health services, with the police, and with social services. Ive even written to my MP to try and keep hubby safe as I leave him.
So here is the full story….
I met my hubby in his mid twenties – I was in my early thirties then. My hubby had a rough start in life. His mum left for Ireland when he was 16 and he had been a council tenant since then. He kept himself safe for many years and then met me. After 5 years we got a Civil Partnership and converted this to Marriage as soon as we could.
We were together for 12 years before we decided to buy our home from the council. This was a big step for hubby – we knew he wouldnt be able to afford the place on his own but I felt sure that we would be ok – because we loved each other and we had already been through so much.
But that’s when the trouble started…
About a year after we bought the house my hubby’s mental health started to get worse. He started to talk about things that I knew werent true. He started to accuse people of things that hadnt happened, he ended up in hospital multiple times because of either illnesses or mental health.
Things got really dark…
I had gastric surgery in 2018, almost 3 years before this post. I remember the night before my operation asking multiple friends round so that I wouldn’t be on my own with him. I remember him telling me that, whilst I was in hospital, he was going to approach one of the people he had accused of raping him to talk through things
I remember not wanting to wake up from surgery.
About a month after surgery I left Hubby for a couple of months. Things had gotten so bad that he knelt on my chest to try and convince me that he was telling the truth. He would push his head against mine – trying to get his thoughts into my head – he was not himself.
2 months later and I was asked to meet with Hubby and the mental health team that had been dealing with him. He convinced us that he no longer felt the things he had been believing and he was discharged.
I moved home.
But it didnt end there. My hubby started to make accusations against other members of his family – that his father was actually his uncle, and that his uncle was his father. He went so far as to approach his uncles children to tell them this. it was a mess and as a result he has no contact with his family
And then the accusations against me started.
It started in lockdown – we were doing well – surprisingly well – I kept saying how fantastic things had been and that other couples had suffered in lockdown but that we coped well. but then we went to a BBQ with 2 of the girls I had bypass surgery with. It was a fun evening and I remember getting in the car to go home and smiling.
Then hubby turned to me and asked me what I had been doing in the garage with one of the girls for so long. I remember telling him we were looking at camping gear. But that wasn’t enough for hubby – he thought I had been sleeping with her in the garage.
Then one day I came home from work and D was not feeling well. He had called an ambulance and I was in shock trying to work out what was going on. The ambulance finally came and D went into hospital.
The next morning I rang for an update but couldnt be told anything as hubby had accused me of poisoning him. To cut a very long story short hubby was admitted to a mental health hospital for 2 weeks.
During that stay he was sent home almost daily – for me to manage – despite the fact that he thought I was trying to poison him. he got aggressive on multiple visits – at one point screaming so hard at me that he gave himself an asthma attack and an ambulance came.
At that point I left again.
This was a pattern that continued for months – he was discharged back to an acute care team, then a psychosis team, then to his GP – with virtually no engagement with me.
But we coped.
Things did calm down for a bit but he started to talk about the things he said he didnt believe. He never stopped believing that I had poisoned him and he even started making jokes about it. I got some help from a mental health carers group – I even got some training on how to speak to hubby. I thought I was doing well
And then it started again.
4 weeks ago hubby got so aggressive with me that I left again. Whilst I was gone he called another ambulance and ended up in hospital. Again he accused me of poisoning him. I continued trying to get him some support – again the mental health teams wouldn’t engage with me – again I tried – again they refused to engage – round and round and round we went…
On that Saturday I called the mental health team at the hospital who confirmed that hubby would not be discharged without a mental health assessment
The next day I called his nurse who confirmed they were waiting for a mental health assessment.
An hour later he walked through the door. I found out later that he had discharged himself. He got aggressive and started shouting at me – accusing me of trying to kill him and telling me to get out. I started to pack some essentials. And then he attacked me.
He threw me around, then tried to strangle me whilst saying the words I will never forget…
“Im going to kill you before you kill me”
At this point I knew I couldn’t do this any longer
At this point I knew I wouldn’t survive this relationship if I stayed
So yeah, thats how it came to this xx
The Unapologetic life of a Gay Divorcee 