Ive got my Mojo back!!

This Week I have laughed more than I have in years. This Week I have had fun!! This Week Ive felt like me!!

So whats changed?

I’ve finally confirmed that my new home is happening. I have been so focussed on getting somewhere safe for me and secure that this has taken up so much of my time and mental headspace.But now thats all there I don’t have to think about it now.

This weekend is also my 50th birthday and that has also been playing on my mind (anyone that follows me on twitter knows this!!) and from my last post you know I’ve been thinking about whats next and thats been making me take pause and stress a little.

But this week Ive ignored it all, Ive got a home and I don’t need anyone else’s validation in order to be happy – so I’ve relaxed. I’ve also let my old, long subdued, personality come to the fore.

I had some counselling this week and one of the things that came out was that I have a problem with self worth – and I think that realisation has helped me look at myself differently.

I feel lighter

I realise that I can be silly, I can be irreverent, I can have fun, and everything will be ok. So this week I chatted to people online, played my own twitter drinking game (and I know that feels like solo drinking but there were other people there HONEST!!) and Ive even had a little harmless flirting – something which I wouldn’t even have considered a couple of weeks ago.

I’m happy in myself and I’ve caught myself humming and even singing along to songs. Im having a mini break for my birthday and my family are all coming over. I even went to the flat I’m getting and took a picture – just to prove it was all mine!!

I’ve reconnected with even more old friends and like to think that Im making new ones online. Im still not going down the whole app thing but realised that there are actual communities on Twitter and instagram and i can be part of those and so thats where I am now!

So heres to life beginning at 50, to a future that will be filled with fun and friends and family. And if you are suffering at the moment please know that things do get easier and things wont be like this forever. and if someone reaches out to you – they are doing it because they care and you are worthy of their time – and thats a wonderful feeling xxx