Moving on…

Every time I think I’m moving on something happens that brings me back down to earth with a bang!!

I’ve been loving living in my new home, making some fantastic new mates and even starting to think about dating.

My job has been going well and I’ve been able to settle into the rhythm of my weekly commute. I’ve even been tentatively planning my future.

All was going so well and the ex even went quiet. I started to think that maybe just maybe the hard part was over.

It’s at these moments, when you are lulled into a false sense of security, that the shit usually hits the fan.

I finally got an update from the police last week about everything that’s happened. He’s told them that I was doing all sorts…

Apparently I was domestically abusing him

Apparently I was a feeder, trying to make him fat

Apparently I am still trying to kill him

They know that none of this is true but I still have to be interviewed.

And then the calls started again…

It started with lots of hang ups from unknown numbers. Then I started getting late night calls that I didn’t answer. And now the voicemails have started. None of them are particularly threatening but all of them have an edge.

To top it all off I found out yesterday that he has moved a drug dealing friend into the home that I’m still paying for. I’m presuming that he is getting rent from them, that is funding his own habit. I presume she is making sure he is well supplied. In short she is enabling his addiction.

Throughout all this I’ve been doing everything I can to make sure my ex is Ok and looked after. I had a huge amount of guilt for not being able to be the person that fixed him.

After talking to lots of professionals I’ve come to the realisation that drugs are a large part of making his mental health worse and the fact that he keeps taking them means he doesn’t want to be fixed.

So now I’m going to have to do the thing that I’ve been avoiding in order to let go and move on.

I need to get a lawyer, I need to take some control of what’s happening and I need to finally put myself first.