Twas the night before Christmas…

And I realise I haven’t posted in far too long. Ive been going through a tough time with various things getting on top of me and so hadn’t really felt the inspiration to post. I felt now was the right time to start again so here goes nothing.

So whats changed?

I’ve been having some counselling and finally have some answers as to what happened with my ex.

I realise that some of the behaviours I was dealing with triggered stuff that happened to me as a kid – namely my dad leaving to work abroad and never really coming back. This meant that I was more likely to feel abandoned and therefore accept almost anything in order for the person I cared for NOT to leave me.

Ive also come to a decision about what to do about my house and stuff and some of that has been very freeing. I cant go into it here but Ive kinda come to terms with the fact that all my stuff is in my past and Im starting to build a future.

Things with hot neighbour are also going well. He has put up with a LOT from me and is still here. I do believe now that some of the panic I felt with hot neighbour links back to that abandonment as a kid – not feeling good enough and wanting to get the person to prove to me that I was important. That realisation itself is also really freeing!!

So what have I been up to since my last post?

Well if you are reading these in chronological order then you wont be surprised that I have been spending time NOT being controlled. Ive also been nesting like crazy. Once I realised that likelihood of me getting my stuff in the near future was slim I started to find things for myself – mostly hand me downs or second hand but all mine and not something anyone can take away from me.

Work has been manic – Ive managed to get my point across about how much I was doing and we have a new employee in my team joining in January – who should take the pressure off!! Ive also got a bit of a promotion coming – which was an unexpected bonus of stating my needs!!

I’ve also been trying to avoid as many people as possible with Covid as bad as it is at the moment – and actually this has given me time to get to know hot neighbour more as well as find out more about myself, which has been enlightening.

So as I come to my favourite time of the year I’ve actually done a lot of letting go. Im not stressing about Christmas this year – and haven’t even made one to do list. Im going to spend Christmas with hot neighbour and his cat – and we are doing things really low key – which is exactly as it should be and will be lots of fun.

And what will next year bring?

Well I’m going to focus on sorting my life out in January – Im talking to the divorce lawyer and have sorted out what Im doing with the house, and at the same time Im going to get myself in shape a little more as well as finishing off my new home.

So for now this is a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS from me and I will drop a post for the near year.

Look after yourselves xxx